The Grass is not as Green as You Think

I've been truly blessed. It's taken me a long time to realize it but I am. I've always wanted something better for myself and for some reason, I've seemed to fall just short. Enter the realization.

A woman that I've done business with and liked very much, was let go due to "economic reasons". She worked for this company for over 20 years. I'm sure it was tough for her employer to do it, but for whatever reason, she is now unemployed. This not the first time I've watched people around me suffer the same fate while I sit at my desk pretty confident that my job is safe. This news caused me to reflect on the run of luck I've had.

I was supposed to buy a business but we just couldn't get the deal done. This would have been my chance for something better and I fell short. But as luck would have it, the economic downturn would have killed the business and left me struggling to pay back small business loans. The business was eventually sold to another company which I thought would be great. I can finally comcentrate on doing what I do best, coding. What started out with great promise turn out to be a disaster.

For whatever reason, a cloud of doom followed me into that job. I just seemed to be screwing more than acceptable to even myself. Their confidence in me seemed to be wanning and I knew my days were numbered there. I started to make preparations to be unemployed and to make it on my own. I was going to work for myself. To heck with everyone else, but opportunity, once again came my way.

An opening for a position in a company that I've been involved with for many years, but never thought I'd work for presented itself. Not as obvious as you would think. The best way to describe it is like two friends, after years of being together, suddenly realize that they were the one they were looking for all along. Allowing themselves to fall in love.

Because of this, I find myself in a position that would hard to be cut and even harder to pass the tasks on to other people. It also helps that they feel fortunate to have me there. Is it a position of leadership? No, it's not even a director level position. Do I care? Honestly, sometimes I miss being in the loop, but I'm not secluded from decision making. Which leads me around to the grass is not always as green as you think.

Some may think I took a step backwards. I say I took a step in the direction I really needed to go in. Every other senario would have kept me away from my family by having my focus mostly on work. I can now leave the office at the end of the day and leave it behind me. Am I less dedicated? No probably more dedicated. I am able to mold the clay however I see fit. This is where I am most comfortable, problem solving.

It really has taken me awhile to realize that I am exactly where I need to be. I have enough side work to pay for toys and a pretty stable job with plenty of creative flexibility. Most importantly, I can focus on being a dad and a husband. I relish this because my son still likes his dad and my wife still tolarates me. I guess success is really not f***n up what you already have.

More Kids Need Drugs

Cross posted on "Thoughts from the Green Chair"

This article was forwarded to me by my sister-in-law. We are both trying to raise respectful, well-behaved children. She is just beginning the process (my niece is one) and I am ass deep in it (my son is nine).

What I found most intriguing was how these behaviors, demonstrated by the story teller’s parents, would have you arrested today. I reflect upon my actions with my child and he should have more responsibility for his actions and, hopefully, he will learn from the resulting consequences.

One of the problems my wife and her associates have to deal with at the college she works at is parents sticking up for the children. These aren’t eight year olds, they’re adults! I would never had asked my parents to fight a fight for me.

In my opinion, we, as parents, need to teach our children respect and even more important, to take responsibility for their actions. There is always an excuse. Rather than sucking it up and face the consequences, we all try to find an out. Almost saying that we would have done good, but because of this and that, we were forced into those actions. We as parents, let this happen.

We don’t want to see our children suffer. We want them to have an easier life then we had growing up. So we have other people do the menial tasks of life rather than do it ourselves. We give them allowances and money to spend without having to earn it. We don’t want them to have less than their friends so we buy them the object of their desire. What are we teaching them?

I’m just as guilty as the next guy. I want my child to fit in and do well, but am I teaching him the right thing? Ever since my child was born, my goal was to raise a respectful child. Respect people and their possessions and their feelings and their cultures. If he has it in his blood to respect then I’ve done my job. So far, he’s been pretty good. Look at your children, do they know how to respect?

Some of My Photos

Check them out at www.MichaelAnthonyPictures.com

Is it Schedule Over Religion or The Other Way Around?

I serve on the Parish Council for our church and there was an interesting discussion about religion conforming to people's schedule or should people conform their schedules to religion. The discussion centered around religious education. There are legitimate arguments on both sides, but I honestly believe that religious education can only be taught by example. Let me explain.

The discussion started with a change of schedule for the religious education classes. This change eliminated a weekly, after school class in exchange for a longer Saturday class. Both would give the child an equal amount of religious education. The opposing point of views were should the church change to make it convenient for the parents or should the parents change their schedule to accommodate religious education classes?

My feeling is that religious education classes lay the groundwork for religious thought. It is up to the PARENTS to teach them how to live a better life. Parents can lead by example. No amount of religious education is going to overshadow Mom and Dad and their passive attitude towards religion. If they practice from 11 to 12 noon once a week on Sunday then their kids will do the same. Engaging their children to think about what they have learned and how they can apply it practically can make a big difference. We all know how easily, when we were growing up, it is to conform. Sometimes these conformities don't coincide with religious teachings. It's just the way life is, but if a child has it within them to see the wrong, then maybe, they will make the right decision when the time comes.

So is it the responsibility or the church to teach your child religion? I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Technorati Tags: mike bellina, only children, raising an only child, religion, religious education

Attack of the Anxious Child

Children and birthdays usually equals chaos. This birthday was no exception. Besides the usual getting the food for the party and cleaning up the house, there was the overly excited child to contend with. I don't believe he sat still for more than two minutes all morning. Going from chair to floor to chair to couch and driving me crazy in between. His day started at 7:15 am.

My wife for some reason got up a 6 am for some odd reason and left for the supermarket. I had said to my son before he went to bed, "no earlier than 8 o'clock" and he agreed. At 7:15 am, he came up the stairs.

"I thought I said 8 o'clock."

"Oh, I forgot."

"Who's problem is that?" I asked.

"I guess it's mine," he said. After a slight pause, "Can I watch TV?"

So he disappears downstairs. I go back to sleep and only to be awoke by the dogs. I get out of bed and join him downstairs.

"What time is everyone coming?" he asked.

"3 o'clock." It was 8 am. It's going to be a long day. He blabbered though breakfast which consisted of orange juice and Dunkin Donuts. When he's excited, he talks non-stop. 

As we started to get into the housework, my son asked if he could help. So we started to give him chores to do and he graciously did them. Wow. It made the time go a bit quicker, but by 1 pm he wasn't interested anymore. So the waiting began again. Tick, tock, tick, tock.

Chair.

Floor.

Door.

Finally, the guests started to arrive. He would go out the door and come back with a present. He did this several times. The adults were wondering if we went out the door if we would come back in with a present. No luck.

Overall, he was good. He waited patiently. He didn't constantly whine about opening presents. Oh, but he was excited when he started opening presents. I love the excitement a child gets when there are presents are involved. They stop thinking rationally. It's too much fun.

Technorati Tags: mike+bellina, only children, only child, parenting

A Father's Day Gift to Remember

My son and wife gave me a great gift this past Father's Day. It was a behind the scenes tour of Yankee Stadium. We're all Yankee fans in our house so we all enjoyed it. But what a lasting memory!

We got to go down below the Stadium into the player's clubhouse. Being that it is still in season, the lockers were filled with some of the belongings of the players. (BTW: Derek Jeter has two lockers. One is for all his fan mail and promotional items.)

We had a great time but walking through an empty stadium is kind of creepy. I have always been to the Stadium when it was alive with people. It was very strange. It was exciting walking from the clubhouse to the dugout. We sat on the bench where Joe Torre sits and seeing the Stadium from his perspective was very cool.

I don't think we can look at images from the Stadium again without thinking, "we were there". I think we were all glad we got to do it.

You can se more pictures on the flickr page.

 

Technorati Tags: family, life, mike bellina, parenting, daily-life, only children, only child

It's Time to Go On Vacation

A summer ritual that has roots back to the early days of the commute. Vacation. You pack up the family, get in the car and drive to some seaside resort to relax on the beach for a week while getting third degree burns all over your body and decompressing from the office. Ah yes, the good ole days.

Now it seems that we are always tethered to our offices via cell phones, Blackberrys or laptop. "I'll be down in a minute, dear." Turns into a half an hour conversation with a co-worker who is too afraid to make a mistake on their own. So, what reward do we get for this dedication... a free pass to call you whenever the mood strikes them because it's easier to ask you than to figure it out by themselves. This, of course, comes at the cost of family time, added frustration and quite frankly no decompressing.

This vacation I plan on a complete unplug from work. I've threatened my co-workers with bodily harm if they call me and I've gave them carte blanc to make the decisions on their own. I told them that no misjudgment that you make while I'm gone will have such lasting repercussions that can't be fixed when I get back. Besides most of clients will understand that you are trying your best to help them and may cut you a bit of slack.

Quite frankly, for the next week and a half, I don't care. I plan on doing stuff with my son, my wife, my parents (it's their timeshare, they had to come) and most of all relax. I'll still have that nervous anticipation that the office will call, but hopefully they won't.

Technorati Tags: family, life, mike+bellina, parenting, daily-life, only+children, only+child